Remarrying after a divorce? Are you really ready? Subscribe

  Team Orom 2022-08-09 1 Min

               

Being in love, and taking the next step is one of the most beautiful things to do. However, what if one person has gone through a divorce in the past? It can get tricky. There is baggage, there are questions to ask before getting married, and there are insecurities, and fears, among so many other things to consider before marriage.

So, if you are considering marriage with someone who has gone through a divorce once, here is an important checklist recommended by our experts:

1.   Don’t avoid talking about the divorce

Often couples avoid detailed discussions about the divorce. They think it’s hurtful, painful, disrespectful, and intrusive. However, one needs to understand the extent of baggage that the divorce might be causing.

Sometimes, it leads to comparisons between the previous partner and the current fiancé. Sometimes, it leads to subconscious, unspoken issues about self-esteem, which can get triggered again in the new marriage. So, add significantly detailed discussions about the divorce, to the list of things to do before marriage.

2.   Watch their attitude and behaviour towards their EX - Partner

Talking about it also helps you figure out the personality of the person you’re marrying. How are they coping without marriage? Are they whiny, do they complain a lot, are they extremely critical of their ex, or can they communicate about their issues in a healthy manner? Do they still have unresolved issues?

3.   Verify the documents

All divorce cases are listed on the website of the concerned high court in India, or on the national data grid. You might also want to ask them to show the decree of divorce. As distrusting, or disconcerting as this might sound, you don’t want to be caught up in an illegal marriage.

A lot of people trust their partner and do not add this step to their checklist before marriage, only to discover fraud later. Similarly, if you’re the one remarrying someone after your divorce, we strongly recommend that you share your paperwork. It helps you gain their trust for life. One of the best resources to use in this context is https://districts.ecourts.gov.in/  You will need the name of the person, the name of the court where the divorce was decreed, and the year when they got the decree or filed the divorce.

4.   Take kids into account 

Do they have kids that they might be co-parenting after their divorce? This is another important question to ask before marriage. Co-parenting situations, visiting rights, and ongoing alimony, all mean that they will continue to interact with their ex-partner.  It could also mean that they may not want kids with you, while you might. So, it is important to understand how it may or may not impact your relationship and marriage with them. 

5.   Trust your instinct

Sometimes people can be very manipulative. They can pretend to be someone that they are not. Despite all legal checks and balances, despite detailed conversations, deep-rooted issues can stay hidden. In such cases, always trust your instinct. If something feels wrong after you’ve asked your partner those 100 questions to ask before marriage, it’s probably because something IS wrong. Listen to your gut, take an opinion from someone you trust, and speak to the therapist or a premarital counsellor if you need to. But do not ignore your instinct.

Divorce shouldn’t be a deterrent in dating or marrying someone. Everyone deserves as many chances at happiness as they can get, but caution is important, and communication is important. That’s what healthy relationships are rooted in, after all.